Valentine’s Day can be an especially difficult day if you have recently been divorced. Whether it is your weekend with the kids or you are home alone here are some tips for making the day a little better.

Remember Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love, so celebrate with those people in your life that you love and that are always going to be there for you, your friends, family, and kids.

Whether the decision to co-parent is a mutual decision between two parties or its decided by a judge, co-parenting is in the best interest of the children. While it may be hard to put aside bad feelings between you and your ex, it is important to consider what is best for any kids involved and put aside those feelings to work together with your ex. Here are some tips to help you make co-parenting successful.

• Communicate: While it may seem difficult at times it is important to keep an open, respectful line of communication between you and your ex-spouse. With the advent of emails and text you can easily control your emotions by reviewing your communications before they are sent.  During communication stick with talking about the kids and don’t bring up the past or argue.
• Consistency: When you are involved in a co-parenting situation the child is spending time with both parents. It is important for both parents to be on the same page when it comes to making important decisions. Try to keep a consistent schedule so the kids know when to expect to see each parent.  
• Adapting: It is common after a divorce that one or both parties will eventually move on and maybe enter into another relationship. It is important to learn to adapt to any new changes that might arise and help your child adapt as well.  
• Respect: Respecting each other as parents is extremely important for making co-parenting work. Do not bad mouth the other in front of your kids and don’t use the kids to get information about the other one. If your kids see you can be civil with your ex-spouse it will help them adjust better.

It is important that you review your co-parenting plan with an experienced Georgia divorce lawyer to make sure you didn’t miss anything. 

Many single parents may be surprised to find out that while the courts issued a child support order, it doesn’t always translate into receiving full payments on time. So what is a single parent supposed to do when they are not receiving child support payments from their “deadbeat” ex? Here are a few tips to help you get through this tough situation.

1. Do not treat the situation lightly: If you treat child support payments seriously, and as business transaction it will encourage the other parent treat the situation seriously as well. This is money you are legally owed and is important for you and your child’s future.
2. Keep records: It is best to keep records of every payment made to you and how much was made. It’s also important to give the other parent a receipt for every payment made. If you should have to go back to court to claim payments you have backed yourself with a paper trail of records.
3. Do not withhold visitation rights: If the other parent is not sending child support payments on time, do not try to withhold their visitation rights with the child. This is only going to get you in legal trouble. Withholding visitation can only be done if advised to you by a lawyer or judge.

The family law attorneys at Stearns-Montgomery & Proctor are used to this scenario. Legally, a person would need to file a Motion for Contempt against the offending party to rectify the situation. Contempt is defined by Georgia Divorce, Alimony and Child Custody as “a ‘willful’ refusal to comply with a judgment or order of the court.” A person is in contempt if he or she does not met the terms set by the Judge in a divorce case.

Besides legal action, if you’re dealing with a deadbeat ex, it’s critical to focus on you and your children’s needs. If possible embrace activities that make it easier to be a “lone” parent. Find support within your own community by joining weekend sports teams, camps, or scout troops.

Being aware of your actions and words as a parent can single handedly alter the severity divorce has on a child.  From a legal perspective, the way a parent interacts with his or her child can influence child custody, visitation, and parental rights in Georgia. The courts are interested in determining which parent is acting in the best interest of a child, so it is imperative to act responsibly to protect your children’s emotions from the stresses of divorce. Here are a few suggestions of what not to say or do when communicating with your child about your divorce.

Avoid giving children too many “adult details”—It is important to consider your child’s age when speaking to him or her about your divorce. The majority of the time a child will not understand, nor do they need to know, if you are getting a divorce because of issues that relate to intimacy, money, abuse or addiction of any kind. It is best to leave the conversation as simple as possible with your child and not get into specifics.   Too many parents fall into the trap of thinking “hey my child asked me and I didn’t want to lie” and “I just wanted the child to know the truth” and “I didn’t think fast enough to think of something else to say”.  What you should say instead is “both your mom and your dad love you very much”.  And if you say it over and over again that will not hurt you, no matter how much you want to say something else.  As a matter of fact, watch closely as you say it and you will see the relief in the child’s body language.

Remind children that they still have a present mom and dad—Divorce can make a child feel like they are losing a parent, so it is imperative to express to a child that they will still have two parents present in their life.  Be sensitive, listen and make yourself available to discuss divorce in a mature way. Prove with your actions that you are present and available.

It’s not their fault—Reminding a child that they are not to blame for the divorce is essential to helping children cope with divorce. Children need to be reassured that they did not do anything wrong, and that divorce is an adult issue. Children tend to personalize divorce in many cases, so make it perfectly clear that they’re not at fault. 

Don’t ask them to choose sides—Asking a child to choose one parent over the other is not fair to the child and can result in resentment later on down the road. Furthermore, a court will tend to not give custody to the parent who is willfully jeopardizing the other parent-child relationship, as doing so is emotionally damaging.

Dogging out the other spouse- While going through a divorce is emotional, it is vital that the parents do not lash out at the other, or talk badly about each other in front of the children. It is unhealthy for the child to hear their mom or dad being called negative words by the other. Defaming your ex-spouse can also be held against you in court and can affect the outcome of a custody hearing.

When interacting with children, be merciful and kind, and remember that divorce is a problem between two adults. 

So, you’ve found the love of your life and you intend to get married some day. If you have assets to protect, it’s often in your best interest to sign a prenup before the wedding—the trouble is, when people hear the word “prenup,” they often hear “I plan to divorce you someday, darling.” Here are a few tips to mitigate the chance that asking for a prenup will end your relationship.

The Sooner, The Better— Ideally, your future spouse will know you want a prenup before the relationship even gets very serious. Make it clear that, no matter who you marry, you intend to sign a prenup. If you can have the conversation in the casual phase of your relationship, your future spouse probably won’t take it personally.

Don’t Let A Prenup Ruin the Celebration— If you’re already engaged, don’t let the desire for a prenup ruin the celebration. If you’re engaged and you haven’t discussed it, be gentle with how you present the request. If you’re a man, don’t give her a ring and ask for a prenup on the same night. If you’re a woman, don’t talk about wedding plans and ask for a prenup in the same conversation. Have a reasonable discussion, and make sure your timing is in good taste. Don’t do it right before the wedding.

Be Informed, and Be Informative— A prenup is, at it’s core, a business arrangement. If you can show that you have your spouses best interest in mind, and that you will take care of him or her financially no matter what, it’s an easier sell. Be prepared to negotiate. Understand what you’re asking for within the arrangement, and what you’re willing to give.

This Isn’t Just For Me— For a person of substantial wealth, getting a prenup means full financial disclosure to the other party, and that may be an attractive to your future spouse. Both parties involved have the opportunity to get some great legal advice, and both can benefit from the arrangement if it is negotiated fairly.

Do It For the Kids— If you have children from a previous marriage, asking for a prenup is much easier, as a prenup is about protecting the assets your children are entitled to.

A couple more things to keep in mind:

Expect Your Prenup To Change Over Time— Prenups can be re-negotiated throughout the years. This information may make your future spouse more comfortable with the idea.

You Get What You Pay For—If you’re using an attorney who is selling "value" prenups, you may be entitling your future spouse to more than the court system would give him or her.

Your Trust Fund Won’t Protect You—In many cases, a trust fund is not enough to protect your legal assets.

Good luck!

Valentines Day is around the corner, which if you are going through a divorce, can feel even more difficult and lonely. While it’s easy to juxtapose society’s heavily marketed holiday with your own feelings of sadness and anger, it important to keep your emotions in perspective. Divorce is demanding and it can be very sad, but it does present the opportunity for a fresh start.

Collaborative divorce can help with that start. Instead of a drawn-out court trial, collaborative divorce allows for the open exchange of information between parties, and all parties work with the support of their attorneys. Family law attorneys understand that the divorce process is a legal issue, but they also realize that it involves emotional and financial decisions as well. Collaborative divorce provides an opportunity for conversation with a soon-to-be-ex, but parties still benefit from the guidance of their attorneys.

Collaborative divorce can also keep people from guessing what their spouse and his or her attorney is planning. With an agreement between both the divorce attorneys and the clients to exchange information, collaborative divorce allows for a level of trust in the divorce (even if there wasn’t any trust in the marriage). Parties who feel less suspicious are also able to focus on their broad goals and needs instead of negotiating arbitrarily, or while feeling defensive.

Unlike a traditional divorce, collaborative divorce may begin with both parties deciding what they can agree upon—whether it’s time with the kids, who will stay in the house, etc. These agreements, no matter how small, will often result in positive feelings and a willingness to cooperate. 

If you're considering a collaborative divorce, contact one of our caring family law attorneys. 

There may come a time when you and your ex are sitting in a courtroom together. If you’ve tried mediation or collaborative divorce and that hasn’t worked, going to court might be the final necessary step before moving on.

While divorce court can be difficult, it can also be an opportunity for you to have some resolution. There are a few important concepts to keep in mind when you have your day in court.

 Appearance:   There’s no second chance to make a first impression, and the way you dress in divorce court is particularly important. People are often under the misconception that you should “dress poor” for a court case so that the judge will take pity on you.  Realistically, the judge requires documentation and does research to determine a person’s child support, alimony and financial obligations. Ultimately, your clothing should reflect your respect for the court.  Dress as if you’re going to a job interview: err on the side of conservative and professional.

Attitude: A judge’s job is to evaluate you at all times in the courtroom, and if you have his or her respect, you’re in a much better position. Don’t lose your temper, and don’t do anything that could be construed as hostile or abusive.  Judges see many court cases, and so there’s no need for you to visually communicate your pain or anger towards your ex.  Stay composed, and be as courteous as you would in an office environment. Remain respectful of the process.

Language:  Use polite language when you communicate, and try not to be overly defensive.  Speak calmly and naturally, and never resort to name-calling or shouting at your ex.  Be respectful of the judge as well, and remember that he or she is not your enemy. 

Preparation:  Be prepared--  it seems like an obvious comment, but if you’re stressed out, you may not be as organized as you usually are. Make yourself a checklist of any documentation your divorce lawyer has asked you to bring, and put your documents with your keys the night before. 

While divorce court can be demanding, it is also often the end to a long and painful process.  

 After a divorce, everyone wants to start the new year with resolutions for a healthier and happier life, but too often those plans are forgotten in just a few weeks. This year, stick to your goals and stay motivated with these five simple tips.

• Make a Plan: After going through a divorce, decide on a few goals, and make a plan. "Getting organized" is a great goal, but it isn't a plan. Start the year off by making a plan for how you will succeed in 2011. Ask yourself: what kind of life do I want this year? Be as specific as possible, and outline a series of steps for reaching your goal. Evaluate your plan for difficulties and potential points of failure, and determine solutions to those problems before they arise. Write out your plan, and revisit it frequently to make sure that you're on the right track.

•  Set Realistic and Measurable Goals: Going through a divorce is difficult, so be realistic about your divorce recovery. Make sure to set realistic and measurable goals for your success. Write out your goals and put them somewhere that you will see every day, like your bathroom mirror or on your refrigerator. A visual reminder will help to reinforce your motivation and remind you that in order to succeed, you must reach for it every day. 

• Reward Your Successes: The point of resolutions is to improve your life and better yourself, so when you successfully reach a milestone, celebrate it! Treat yourself, but don't lose sight of your goals. Divorce recovery is a difficult process, so be proud of the little things you do to change for the better. Pick a reward for yourself that doesn't conflict with the overall goals you are reaching for.

• Don't Fret Failure: The hardest part of succeeding is failing, and no one reaches success without a lot of failures on the way. Reaching personal goals isn't like flipping on a light switch; if the goals you've set were that simple, you would have already done them. Accept that along your path to improvement you will have setbacks, failures, and disappointments. Don't let a little setback derail your plans. When you fail to meet a goal or reach a milestone let that disappointment motivate you to push yourself harder towards the next one.

• Don't Be Afraid to Ask: As much as we'd all like to be experts at everything, its just not possible. If you reach a point on your path to success where you feel lost, confused, or unsure of how to continue, ask someone. In this amazing age of technology and connectivity, the answers to almost any question are just a few clicks away. The internet is full of others in your same situation, with your same questions. Post a question on a message board, email an expert, or find a local resource to help clear your confusion. If you’re considering divorce, talk to a family law attorney. With a nearly unlimited pool of information and resources available, you can quickly find someone to guide you through your decisions.

No matter what your New Year's Resolutions are, these tips will help you achieve your goals, and lead you to a happier, more fulfilled 2011.