Valentines Day is around the corner, which if you are going through a divorce, can feel even more difficult and lonely. While it’s easy to juxtapose society’s heavily marketed holiday with your own feelings of sadness and anger, it important to keep your emotions in perspective. Divorce is demanding and it can be very sad, but it does present the opportunity for a fresh start.

Collaborative divorce can help with that start. Instead of a drawn-out court trial, collaborative divorce allows for the open exchange of information between parties, and all parties work with the support of their attorneys. Family law attorneys understand that the divorce process is a legal issue, but they also realize that it involves emotional and financial decisions as well. Collaborative divorce provides an opportunity for conversation with a soon-to-be-ex, but parties still benefit from the guidance of their attorneys.

Collaborative divorce can also keep people from guessing what their spouse and his or her attorney is planning. With an agreement between both the divorce attorneys and the clients to exchange information, collaborative divorce allows for a level of trust in the divorce (even if there wasn’t any trust in the marriage). Parties who feel less suspicious are also able to focus on their broad goals and needs instead of negotiating arbitrarily, or while feeling defensive.

Unlike a traditional divorce, collaborative divorce may begin with both parties deciding what they can agree upon—whether it’s time with the kids, who will stay in the house, etc. These agreements, no matter how small, will often result in positive feelings and a willingness to cooperate. 

If you're considering a collaborative divorce, contact one of our caring family law attorneys. 

There may come a time when you and your ex are sitting in a courtroom together. If you’ve tried mediation or collaborative divorce and that hasn’t worked, going to court might be the final necessary step before moving on.

While divorce court can be difficult, it can also be an opportunity for you to have some resolution. There are a few important concepts to keep in mind when you have your day in court.

 Appearance:   There’s no second chance to make a first impression, and the way you dress in divorce court is particularly important. People are often under the misconception that you should “dress poor” for a court case so that the judge will take pity on you.  Realistically, the judge requires documentation and does research to determine a person’s child support, alimony and financial obligations. Ultimately, your clothing should reflect your respect for the court.  Dress as if you’re going to a job interview: err on the side of conservative and professional.

Attitude: A judge’s job is to evaluate you at all times in the courtroom, and if you have his or her respect, you’re in a much better position. Don’t lose your temper, and don’t do anything that could be construed as hostile or abusive.  Judges see many court cases, and so there’s no need for you to visually communicate your pain or anger towards your ex.  Stay composed, and be as courteous as you would in an office environment. Remain respectful of the process.

Language:  Use polite language when you communicate, and try not to be overly defensive.  Speak calmly and naturally, and never resort to name-calling or shouting at your ex.  Be respectful of the judge as well, and remember that he or she is not your enemy. 

Preparation:  Be prepared--  it seems like an obvious comment, but if you’re stressed out, you may not be as organized as you usually are. Make yourself a checklist of any documentation your divorce lawyer has asked you to bring, and put your documents with your keys the night before. 

While divorce court can be demanding, it is also often the end to a long and painful process.  

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Divorce is, by nature, complicated. You’ve spent years building your marriage and entangling your life with the person you’re sitting across the table from. Untangling your assets (and your emotions) takes time too. A family law attorney spends years studying the intricacies of divorce, which is why divorce is overwhelming to most people.

There are a few common mistakes people tend to make when heading into a divorce.  If you can keep your head clear enough to follow these rules, you’ll be much better off in the long run. 

Don't take legal advice from your friends: Your friends are important, but don't rely on them for legal advice. Every state has a unique set of divorce laws, and a family law attorney can tell you what's in your best interest. Your friends might want to give you legal advice out of love or because they think you need help, but every divorce is different, and your divorce attorney understands the law.

Don't run to court: Make an informed decision with a family law attorney about whether or not you even want to go to trial. If you and your ex are still on speaking terms, or if you have children, you may want to consider collaborative divorce. It can be less expensive than traditional divorce, and both parties still have the benefit of legal council. Read more about collaborative divorce here.

Let your kids be kids: Don't make your children the go-between for you and your ex, and don't unload on them about the other parent. If you need to talk to someone, talk to a therapist or counselor. As a parent, it's your responsibility to protect your children's feelings. Don't make your kids suffer through your problems. 

Be financially prepared: Do your research, find out what your assets are, where your debt is, and gather documents early in the divorce process. Your divorce attorney will have a much easier time if they understand your financial situation up front. 

Stay in control of your grief: You may need to grieve, but try not to let your grief control you. Try to keep divorce in perspective-- the legal aspects should be treated like business decisions. The difficult emotional aspects need to be addressed, but while you're trying to sort out financials. 

Remember that this won't last forever: Divorce can seem never ending, exhausting, stressful, and consuming. The process won't last forever, and your stress levels won't last forever either. Take it one day at a time, be kind to yourself, and try to stay positive and focused.

 Divorce is, by nature, complicated. You’ve spent years building your marriage and entangling your life with the person you’re sitting across the table from. Untangling your assets (and your emotions) takes time too. A family law attorney spends years studying the intricacies of divorce, which explains why divorce is overwhelming to most people.

There are a few common mistakes people tend to make when heading into a divorce.  If you can keep your head clear enough to follow these rules, you’ll be much better off in the long run.

Don’t be afraid of your ex: If your ex has known you since you were a teenager, he or she may be able to still make you feel like one at times. An intimate emotional relationship provides a lot of ammunition for person who wants to manipulate another party.  Now is not the time to rely on an ex for advice, or to let him or her intimidate you. Just because you’re used to asking your ex for answers, doesn’t mean it is (or ever was) a good idea.  If your ex starts making announcements about alimony, your kids, or what you’ll end up with, ignore the conversation.  It’s not up to your ex to decide-- it’s up to the court.

Don’t ignore your taxes: This one can be tricky if you’ve relied on your ex to be the family accountant for years.  Speak to a professional about what you’ll pay taxes on if you split your finances. Dealing with the expense of a tax professional now could save you loads of money in the long term. At the very least, educate yourself.

Stop confusing emotions and business: Keep your head on emotionally when you’re thinking about assets. Don’t be financially impulsive with your ex in an attempt to win him or her back. Signing over your car title to your ex in a moment of desperation may seem generous at the time, but it's foolish. Don't give gifts, make promises, or put yourself at a financial disadvantage in any way to endear yourself to your ex. Be self-protective, even when your instincts tell you not to be.

Don't make verbal agreements: As they say, "verbal agreements are not worth the paper they're written on." If your ex promises you something, get it in writing. Don't rely on oral agreements to hold up in court.

Don't brag: Be discrete about any new relationships or purchases until your divorce is over. Don't brag to friends, your ex, your ex's lawyer, or online. A new relationship can potentially make you seem like you were not committed to your family. Extravagant purchases can influence the court's financial decisions.

Don't be hostile in court: Keep in mind that the judge is evaluating you at all times in the court room, and it's important that the judge respect you. Don't make rude faces at your ex, don't roll your eyes, don't act like an insolent teenager, and don't yell. Stay composed, and be as courteous as you would be in an office environment. Have your cathartic moments later.

Put revenge out of your mind: Dwelling on revenge, anger, and petty arguments are only going to distract you during this difficult process. Stay focused on getting through your divorce, taking care of yourself, and moving on. An angry person is not a happy person.

Check back in with us soon for Part II of Common Divorce Mistakes... and How to Avoid Them.

The holidays are a wonderful time of the year, but if you’ve recently divorced, the season may seem a bit bleak and overwhelming. Here are a few tips to survive the holidays after a divorce.

1)   Don’t Spend the Holidays Alone —

If you’re not used to being single, you may not be used to reaching out to friends and extended family during the holidays.  Don’t punish yourself by retreating from your support network. You deserve to have a fun and happy season, so make an effort to spend time with people you care about, even if it feels awkward at first.

2)   Celebrate Your Own Way —

If you’ve always wanted an enormous tree but your ex thought they were tacky, buy an enormous tree.  If you’d rather spend a week at a beach resort with some friends instead of crammed around grandma’s table, go buy a plane ticket.  Treat yourself to your own celebration.

3)   Don’t Take Things Too Personally —

Since you’re focused on family dynamics, you may forget to keep friends and family member's comments in perspective. Try not to take insensitive comments too personally. See things for what they are, and move on.

4)   Focus on Others —

Whether it’s collecting cans for the food bank, hosting a benefit, or just reaching out to the new neighbors, focusing on others will help you not to dwell on your own problems. Get involved in your community. You’ll probably meet some amazing people while you’re at it. 

5)   Stay Healthy —

It’s easy to feel preoccupied, forgetful or to blow small bumps in the road out of proportion. Build “healthy” activities into your schedule to keep your stress levels down.  Eat breakfast every morning, get a massage, or go on an evening walk with a friend.

6)   Be Your Own Best Friend —

If your child or best friend were going through a similarly stressful season, what advice would you give them? Think of the advice you’d give to someone you love, and take it. Don’t let yourself dwell, don’t stay in bed all day, and don’t drink to excess. Be proactive in finding fun actives to take your mind off divorce.

7)   Put Your Divorce On Hold —

Unless you have to be in court over the holidays, give yourself a mental vacation from your divorce.  Try to put off important decisions until the New Year if it’s within reason to do so.

Keep in mind that you have the rest of your life to deal with the emotions that come with divorce. Give yourself a break over the holidays, and look at the New Year as a fresh start. Happy holidays, from Stearns-Law.com! 

Divorce is usually the culmination of years of tension, resentment, failed second-chances, disappointment, heart-break, distrust and anger. These emotions are draining, and a damaged marriage can result in years of constant stress.

Often, a person experiences a lifetime of anxiety and grief before they even decide to go through with a divorce… and then litigation beings.

Collaborative divorce is a process that allows families to stay out of court and settle their disputes privately and respectfully.  Unlike mediation, the collaborative divorce process allows clients access to their attorneys during the process, so that everyone in the room has as fair access to professional council and legal information. In a collaborative divorce, all parties agree to stay balanced, positive, and productive.

Staying out of court also keeps children shielded from the divorce process.  In a collaborative divorce, it isn’t necessary for children to testify against their parents. The collaborative divorce process is often much more peaceful than a traditional divorce. 

For some, beginning the collaborative divorce process comes as a relief, and marks the end of a difficult marriage. Contact our family law attorneys to find out how collaborative divorce can benefit you and your family. 

Finding the right family law attorney to guide you through a divorce is essential.  A good divorce lawyer will strategize on your behalf while walking you through the stressful and legally complex divorce process.  As family law attorneys, our job is to be protective of our clients. A divorce lawyer should be assertive, knowledgeable, and determined to help clients find creative solutions to multifaceted problems.

There are a few questions you should ask when choosing a divorce lawyer:

1)   “What type of law do you specialize in?”

An effective divorce lawyer will have expert knowledge of child support, custody, alimony, and spousal support. He or she will also understand the intense dynamics involved in a divorce case, and can help walk clients through the procedures. 

2)   “How long have you practiced family law? Do you have any certifications or specialties?” 

It’s important to understand your divorce lawyer’s background so that you’re able to find a qualified and experienced representative.

3)   “Do you recommend collaborative divorce?” 

Collaborative divorce can be a wonderful alternative to traditional divorce when handled correctly. Unlike mediation, clients can have their divorce lawyers present for advice during the collaborative process. The process remains positive, respectful, and interest-based while still allowing clients their legal assets. 

4)   “Who will be working on my case?” 

Many practices will allow family law attorneys to support each other on certain cases, but a good family law attorney will understand that divorce is personal, and accessibility is important.  

5)   “What are your hourly fees?” 

While this question may seem awkward, it’s easier to ask up front than to be surprised by a bill.  If you’re on a budget, have an open dialogue before the process begins.

6)   “Are you familiar with this jurisdiction?”  

In family law cases, the courts have quite a bit of legal power to decide what is best for the family.  You will want someone who is either familiar, or has a lot of access to those who may be familiar, with how the court will handle your type of case.

For many Georgia residents, the cost of divorce can be overwhelming.  A reputable family law attorney should ultimately save money during the course of divorce proceedings, but many often sacrifice quality legal representation and blindly represent themselves in court when legal costs seem high upfront.

This year, the Cobb County judiciary took steps to encourage parties to seek some amount of legal help before their court dates.  The Cobb County Courts have had a problem with litigants entering the court with no legal knowledge, which causes delays and slows down proceedings. In an effort to keep the judiciary efficient, the Supreme Court of Georgia has attempted to clarify what Georgia attorneys can offer people in these situations.

Limited scope representation is a way for attorneys to offer their services on a less-broad basis. Instead of charging a retainer and taking on a case from start to finish, attorneys are now able to advise clients on how to proceed on a case-by-case basis. If a case is straight forward, an attorney may be able to guide a client through the paperwork and legal jargon without needing to represent the person for the entire duration of a case.  Limited scope representation can help empower litigants in their cases by putting them in touch with someone knowledgeable, and because the attorney is offering a limited service, the associated fees will be lower.

Find out more in the AJC article here, or call and talk to one of our Atlanta or Marietta divorce attorneys at (678)905-8492.

There’s no question about it — divorce is one of the most difficult and painful decisions someone may have to make.  We often listen to clients equate the pain caused by a divorce with that of the death of a close friend or relative. It can be incredibly difficult to make completely objective, emotion-free decisions when going through the process of divorce. However, it’s important to stay in control of your emotions and consider what you may give up when you rely on impulse in times of panic.  If you’re in a marriage where divorce is on the horizon, there are a few steps you can take to give yourself an edge.

1. Obtain legal advice before taking major action — Unless you’re in a violent or unsafe environment, talk with a trusted legal advisor before making any important decisions. A lawyer can help you decide how to navigate through the difficult issues, like when to leave the household, whether or not to discuss infidelity, and how to best care for your children.

 2. Talk to a therapist or counselor — While marriage counseling can be helpful in resolving difficult issues, once a divorce is imminent, having your own therapist can help you keep your stress in perspective.  People often give up if counseling doesn’t work to save their marriage, and they see their own happiness as a lost cause. Taking care of your own happiness is important for you and your family, and it will help you to stay strong during difficult times. Furthermore, confiding in friends could backfire or be used as evidence.

3. Consider a  collaborative divorce —  Collaborative divorce is a process that allows for both parties to say balanced, positive, and productive. You can read more about it here. 
 
4. Protect your children — If you can stay relaxed during these emotional proceedings, your children will have a much easier time. Try not to bad-mouth your spouse or unload on your children. From a legal standpoint a court will attempt to limit any act that might “alienate the child’s affection for the other party,” and a court may side with the less volatile parent.  On top of the legal damages, open hostility towards a spouse promotes anger, resentment, and self-blame in children.

5. Protect your credit rating — Close any joint accounts, or block your spouses’ access. Try to spend your spouses’ income first, marital income second, and your own income last.  Establish your own bank account and set up a nest egg.
 
6. Inventory — Make an inventory of your family possessions, spending, and budget. Copy any documents that may serve as proof during a trial. Tax returns, all banking materials, mortgage documents, monthly bills, and pay stubs will give you an advantage when negotiating your financial future.

The most important thing is finding a lawyer who will take care of you and your assets during these hectic and difficult times.  Listen to his or her advice, and try your best to keep calm.